Cynical People
cynic, n. A man who,
when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Thank Gawd for cynical people, whose anchor in
hard-won reality keep starry-eyed idealist from causing
real trouble.
America is awash in cynics, a byproduct of American pioneer upbringing and a perpetual slate of candidates
that provide cynics fresh meat (as if they needed more,
those intellectual gluttons). Yet even among
cynics, some are held in awe for their acerbic
observations and verbal eviscerations. Cynics
elevate them to divine heights, though real cynics see
that as a profit making ploy. We suspect that master
cynics stand apart because their disparaging and
blasphemous prose made them prime candidate for
eradication, either by unhappy public figures or by the
alleged All Mighty himself. Regardless of the reason, we
see these individuals as exceptionally gifted in the art
of rupturing self-inflated egos, sarcastically smashing
revered icons, and generally sneering at everything that
mortals hold sacred.
In these pages we present some biographical
information on these despots of disrepute and provide
their pearls of wanton wisdom from our ever growing
database.
H. L. (Henry Louis) Mencken was a newspaperman
wordsmith with prose as accurate and deadly as sniper
fire. Reading Mencken today shows that politicians, wars
and religion have not changed:
"Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of
stolen goods."
"He marries best who puts it off until it is too
late."
"Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone,
somewhere may be happy."
(read more about
H. L. Mencken and
everything he said that we have
stuffed in our database)
Writer, columnist, civil war veteran, and the
original Cynical Lexicographer via his infamous Devil's
Dictionary (heavily updated for the modern tongue here
at the Cynical Web Site). Could his residency in San
Francisco been more of a cause of his cynicism than his
war experience?
"An egotist is a person of low taste-more interested
in himself than in me."
"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a
contest of principles."
"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation
over the estate."
(read more about
Ambrose Bierce cynicism
and his pithier quotes)
Alexander Woollcott called her an odd "combination of
Little Nell and Lady Macbeth." She possessed a tongue
sharper than any man's wit, and used it routinely to
dissect societies brightest and dimmest.
"Horticulture: You can lead a whore to culture but
you can't make her think."
"If all the girls in attendance [at the Yale prom]
were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."
"Look at him, a rhinestone in the rough.
(read more about
Dorothy Parker and our
cynical citations of her colloquy)
Smith is a self-serving runt of disrepute. He is also
this site's engineer, editor, and resident
cynic-at-large.
"There is a fine line between being a realist and a
cynic. I straddle that line daily."
"Virginity is like rotting food in one's
refrigerator: It stinks, is useless, and should be
disposed of quickly."
"Man's inhumanity to man is bested only by women's
inhumanity to women."
(read more about
Guy Smith, a truly
disturbed individual)
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