(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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Cynical People

Guy Smith

cynic, n. And evangelist in the Church of Reality.

Guy Smith is in the annals of cynicism.  Or it that anals.  Hard to tell with him.

Aside from being the despicable and socially unacceptable editor of the Cynical Web Site, Smith is a renowned writer, songwriter and political provocateur (well, he is renown in his living room, which is oddly inhabited by Guy and a few other surviving insects).

Smith's writing is seldom referred to, but has been called "A tragic collision between Kinky Friedman and P.J. O'Rourke, with Joseph Heller reading the eulogy."  Most of Smith's pithier and slimier quotes ooze with insights that only a deacon in the Church of Discount Worship could possibly put to pen.

Though Smith's origins are not well known, he has managed to infest the globe at points as far flung as Florida, Virginia, California and allegedly a small prison colony in the Philippines, though the only source for that last location is one of Smith's ex-wives.

Let's hope he gets writer's cramp.  Until then, suffer with these top Guy Smith cynicisms.

Cynical Guy Smith Quotations

To be abnormal is to be different from the majority and thus to evoke fear and loathing in said majority. To be intelligent amoung the ignorant, to be polite in New York, or to be Republican in San Francisco.


All parents see their children as perfect, at least until the teen years. This delusion is God's system for keeping parents from selling the little vermin off for medical experimentation.


We should not be surprised that adoration, which is a falut causing one to see nothing bad in another, is most often used for the various Gods. It is theorized that this is false adoration and instead a complex expression of fear.


I so enjoy seeing young lovers smooching in public. Not only does it fill the heart with warm and sentimental feelings, but I'm comforted in the knowledge that the ship of their affections will soon sink on the rock shores of reality, or sucked forever downward in the maelstrom of marriage.


Feel free to read anybody's diary. Diary's are not ment to be private. If they were they would be manufactured with a real lock.


There are three sure signs of love. The fire in the heart, the fire in the groin, and cross-fire when the other lover is discovered.


We seldom become the people we want to be, but we always become the people that we try to be.


Amazingly, most people are not ready to die despite having prepared for it their entire lives.


Financially speaking, being married with children is exactly like diving into a pond filled with leeches, except you can flick leech off.