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Cynical People

Guy Smith

cynic, n. And evangelist in the Church of Reality.

Guy Smith is in the annals of cynicism.  Or it that anals.  Hard to tell with him.

Aside from being the despicable and socially unacceptable editor of the Cynical Web Site, Smith is a renowned writer, songwriter and political provocateur (well, he is renown in his living room, which is oddly inhabited by Guy and a few other surviving insects).

Smith's writing is seldom referred to, but has been called "A tragic collision between Kinky Friedman and P.J. O'Rourke, with Joseph Heller reading the eulogy."  Most of Smith's pithier and slimier quotes ooze with insights that only a deacon in the Church of Discount Worship could possibly put to pen.

Though Smith's origins are not well known, he has managed to infest the globe at points as far flung as Florida, Virginia, California and allegedly a small prison colony in the Philippines, though the only source for that last location is one of Smith's ex-wives.

Let's hope he gets writer's cramp.  Until then, suffer with these top Guy Smith cynicisms.

Cynical Guy Smith Quotations

Amazingly, most people are not ready to die despite having prepared for it their entire lives.


God invented sex and we give praise to him at every orgasm by shouting "Oh, my God".


Cats are like women. If you understand them, they make wonderful companions. If you don't understand them, then they are endless pains in the ass.


[Rope] is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as “parole”.


It has been reported that a satyr recently came to America and sought to find Bill Clinton, apparently to acquire an autograph from his hero.


Women are often referred to as the 'gentle' sex. I believe this adjective describes the sweetly undetectable method in which women insert a knife in a man's back.


If sex is original sin, Murphyisms are original cynicism.


There are only three crimes in the world – all others are variants of these. There is the crime of thinking wrong, the crime of being stupid and the crime of driving with your head up your arse.


We seldom become the people we want to be, but we always become the people that we try to be.