(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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American

Cynical Definitions

n. The ability to make anything bigger, louder and disastrously damaging for the shear joy of doing so.

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n. A subspecies of Homo sapiens that eternally vascillate between anarchy and socialism, providing that at any given moment the majority of their population is unhappy.

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Cynical Quotations

[Americans] don't stand on ceremony. They make no distinction about a man's background, his parentage, his education. They say what they mean, and there is a vivid muscularity about the way they say it. They are always the first to put their hands in their pockets. They press you to visit them in their own home the moment they meet you, and are irrepressibly good-humored, ambitious and brimming with self-confidence in any company. Apart from all that I've got nothing against them.

— Tom Stoppard

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In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning.

— A. E. Housman

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Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

— Dan Rather

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Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'....

— Alexi Sayle

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The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.

— King Edward VIII

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The greatest American superstition was belief in facts.

— Count Hermann Keyserling

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There's no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

— H.L. Mencken

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It is said that Americans have no taste, which explains the lack of American cannibals.

— Guy Smith

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The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them we are missing.

— Gamel Abdel Nasser

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Every time Europe looks across the Atlantic to see the American eagle, it observes only the rear end of an ostrich.

— Ambrose Bierce

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It's hard to decide if TV makes morons out of everyone or if it mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with.

— Martin Mull

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Americans are benevolently ignorant about Canada, while Canadians are malevolently well informed about the United States.

— J. Bartlett Brebner

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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

— H.L. Mencken

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An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.

— A Chinese child

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