(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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art

Cynical Definitions

n. The results of personal talent and creativity that will offend someone.

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Cynical Quotations

What garlic is to salad what insanity is to art.

— Unknown

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Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence.

— Wilhelm Bode

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No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.

— Harold Rosenberg

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Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

— Tom Stoppard

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The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

— Peter De Vries

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[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

— Al Capp

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Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

— Frank Zappa

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It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art.

— Oscar Wilde

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Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.

— Ambrose Bierce

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