(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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bore

Cynical Definitions

n. A person who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it.

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n. A person who can change the subject back to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours.

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n. A person who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.

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n. A guy with a cocktail glass in one hand, and your lapel in the other.

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n. A person who when you ask him how he is, tells you.

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n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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Cynical Quotations

The English sent all their bores abroad, and acquired the Empire as a punishment.

— Edward Bond

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It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

— H.L. Mencken

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The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you.

— Nancy Astor

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The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal.

— H.L. Mencken

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A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience.

— John Updike

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When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway.

— Clyde B. Aster

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