(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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consultant

Cynical Definitions

n. An independent professional who tells you the time, then borrows your watch, tells you the date, keeps the watch, and sends you an invoice equal to the Bolivian national debt.

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Cynical Quotations

The only situation in which advice is advisable is in the occupation of consulting. In that situation, give your best advice, take the money, then run like hell.

— Charles Gilbert

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Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.

— Scott Adams

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