(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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democracy

Cynical Definitions

n. The recurrent yet incorrect suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time.

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n. A device that ensures people will be governed no better than they deserve.

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n. Choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear.

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n. Election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

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n. Organized mob rule.

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n. The process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

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n. Raising the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois.

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n. Two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.

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Cynical Quotations

Television has made dictatorship impossible but democracy unbearable.

— Shimon Peres

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The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don't have to waste your time voting.

— Charles Bukowski

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Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy the whores are us.

— P.J. O'Rourke

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Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right.

— H.L. Mencken

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The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.

— Art Spander

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A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

— Bill Vaughan

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Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses.

— H.L. Mencken

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Democracy is... government by orgy, almost by orgasm. Its processes are most beautifully displayed at times when they stand most naked – for example, in war days.

— H.L. Mencken

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Democracy is "representative" in roughly the same sense that the Roman Empire was "Holly".

— William Ferraiolo

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In democracy, stupidity always holds the majority in every chamber of government. It is, after all, a representative system.

— William Ferraiolo

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Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.

— Marquis de Flers Robert and Arman de Caillavet

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As democracy is perfected, the [presidency] represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. [Ed. Some people believe this has already occurred]

— H.L. Mencken

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The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

— Winston Churchill

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The great flaw in democracy is the majority are always wrong.

— Christopher David

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