(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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dog

Cynical Definitions

n. A pestilent beast kept on domestic premises to insult persons passing by and appall the hardy visitor.

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n. A subsidiary deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes, in the affection of women, the place to which there is no human male aspirant.

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Cynical Quotations

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

— Andy Rooney

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They say that unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes. Then again, if you're a dog, you probably like that view.

— John Alejandro King

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I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

— August Strindberg

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The virtues we attribute to people at their best – loyalty and devotion, courage and gentleness, integrity and spirit – are found so rarely that we name schools for the men and women who display them. But you'd be hard pressed to find a dog who doesn't live them every day.

— Scott Raab

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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.

— Mark twain

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Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

— Unknown

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If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

— Alfred North Whitehead

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