(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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friend

Cynical Definitions

n. The people you hate the least.

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n. A disease incurred by exposure to prosperity.

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n. An acquaintance who has not screwed you ... yet.

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Cynical Quotations

Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success – yours or his.

— Franklin P. Jones

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A good friend will come and bail you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying "Damn, that was fun!"

— Unknown

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A true friend will stab you in the front.

— Oscar Wilde

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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

— Thomas Jones

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Money can't buy friends, but it can get you a better class of enemy.

— Spike Milligan

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It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

— William Blake

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A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.

— Unknown

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You never know exactly how many friends you have until you own a house at the beach.

— Unknown

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A friend in need is a pest in deed.

— Anonymous

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