(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. A pageant where we prove our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and increase our grief through the same expense.

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n. A public dating event where men can meet one lonely, single, wealthy woman.

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Cynical Quotations

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

— Michael Pritchard

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The only difference between a wedding and a funeral is there is one less person standing at a funeral.

— Cliff Cole

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