(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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happiness

Cynical Definitions

n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

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n. Bad memory.

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Cynical Quotations

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

— Unknown

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Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.

— Hobart Brown

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One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person.

— William Feather

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

— George Burns

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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

— Oscar Wilde

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There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason why you shouldn't have a fairly good time.

— Edith Wharton

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Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.

— Ernest Hemingway

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