(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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honesty

Cynical Definitions

n. The first form of self-destructive behavior.

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n. Information imparted without editing for personal advantage (a.k.a. failed strategy)

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n. That which a woman may ask for, but rarely truly desires.

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Cynical Quotations

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

— George Carlin

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Honesty is the best image.

— Tom Wilson

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The intellectual honesty of a wealthy clergy is best demonstrated when hung from a gibbet.

— Jon Digerness

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It is amazing the number of people who are pleased by the simple act of sincerely professing the truth. I mean, I would have thought there would have been at least one.

— John Alejandro King

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An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

— Simon Cameron

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Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.

— Don Marquis

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Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

— F. M. Hubbard

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It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

— H.L. Mencken

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Honesty is one of the better policies

— Ralph Seifert

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It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers.

— Robert Heinlein

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