(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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human

Cynical Definitions

n. An animal with delusions of grandeur.

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n. Technologically advanced breed of ape with delusions of civilization.

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n. The only species disappointed in itself.

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n. A species with a strong instinct for being unhappy at a highly developed level.

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Cynical Quotations

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.

— Aldous Huxley

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Human nature is wanting what you can't have, and having what you don't want.

— Unknown

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On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good and not quite all the time.

— George Orwell

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Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.

— Martin Mull

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

— Douglas Adams

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The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

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The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race.

— Don Marquis

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To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

— Robert Orben

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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.

— P.J. O'Rourke

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Humans are not the end result of predictable evolutionary progress, but rather a fortuitous cosmic afterthought, a tiny little twig on the enormously arborescent bush of life, which if replanted from seed, would almost surely not grow this twig again.

— Stephen J. Gould

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In the depths of my heart I canít help being convinced that my dear fellow-men, with a few exceptions, are worthless.

— Sigmund Freud

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