(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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idiot

Cynical Definitions

n. The stock analyst that just downgraded your largest holding.

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n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

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Cynical Quotations

The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters.

— Unknown

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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

— Rich Cook

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Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

— Mark Twain

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The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

— Ambrose Bierce

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I am all in favor of the democratic principle that one idiot is as good as one genius, but I draw the line when someone takes the next step and concludes that two idiots are better than one genius.

— Leo Szilard

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