(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. A lady subjected to so many miscarriages that her virtue is in doubt.

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n. A commodity, usually adulterated, that the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes, and personal service.

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Cynical Quotations

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

— Johnny Carson

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A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.

— Adam Clayton Powell Jr.

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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

— Groucho Marx

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If my fellow citizens want to go to hell, I will help them. That is my job.

— Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

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