(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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love

Cynical Definitions

n. The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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n. The painful realization that something other than oneself is real.

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n. The irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

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n. An interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

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n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

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Cynical Quotations

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

— Oscar Wilde

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I so enjoy seeing young lovers smooching in public. Not only does it fill the heart with warm and sentimental feelings, but I'm comforted in the knowledge that the ship of their affections will soon sink on the rock shores of reality, or sucked forever downward in the maelstrom of marriage.

— Guy Smith

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War is like love; it always finds a way.

— Unknown

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There are three sure signs of love. The fire in the heart, the fire in the groin, and cross-fire when the other lover is discovered.

— Guy Smith

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Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

— Josh Billings

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Love is what happens to a man and woman who don't know each other.

— W. Somerset Maugham

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Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

— Jules Renard

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Man and wife make one fool.

— Ben Jonson

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Love is a severe mental disorder.

— Plato

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Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

— Matt Groening

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It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

— Samuel Butler

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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

— Helen Rowland

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Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.

— Lynda Barry

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[Love] This disease, like many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

— Ambrose Bierce

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Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.

— Unknown

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God is love, I dare say. But what a mischievous devil love is.

— Samuel Butler

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There is a difference between loving a woman and falling in love with a woman. It is like the difference between admiring the mechanical design of a bear trap and stepping on it.

— Guy Smith

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The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.

— Friedrich Nietzsche

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First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time.

— Honore de Balzac

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Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener, divorce is corrective ocular surgery.

— Guy Smith

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