(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
Home Cynical Definitions Murphyisms Cynical People Daily Dose Suggest
   

 

 
marriage

Cynical Definitions

n. A fast funds transfer system.

| | | |


n. Uncivil union.

| | | |


n. The holy state of mutual disillusionment.

| | | |


n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

| | | |


n. The only adventure open to cowards.

| | | |


n. Nature's method of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

| | | |


n. The mourning after the knot before.

| | | |

Cynical Quotations

I so enjoy seeing young lovers smooching in public. Not only does it fill the heart with warm and sentimental feelings, but I'm comforted in the knowledge that the ship of their affections will soon sink on the rock shores of reality, or sucked forever downward in the maelstrom of marriage.

— Guy Smith

| | | |


Financially speaking, being married with children is exactly like diving into a pond filled with leeches, except you can flick leech off.

— Scott Harrell and Guy Smith Jr.

| | | |


Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

— H.L. Mencken

| | | |


Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

— Unknown

| | | |


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

— Rita Rudner

| | | |


Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

— Josh Billings

| | | |


A marriage without children is like a wound without salt.

— Bill Danzey

| | | |


I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

| | | |


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

— Rita Rudner

| | | |


In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

— Rita Rudner

| | | |


Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

— Groucho Marx

| | | |


All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.

— Raymond Hull

| | | |


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

— Sasha Guitry

| | | |


Love is blind, marriage is an eye opener, divorce is corrective ocular surgery.

— Guy Smith

| | | |