(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. A period of the day when the universe repeatedly whispers in your ear "screw you".

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Cynical Quotations

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

— Frank Sinatra

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Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

— Unknown

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Some people like to spring out of bed and face the morning. I prefer to sneak up on it from behind and silently strangle it.

— Guy Smith

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