(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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news

Cynical Definitions

n. The day to day reporting of nothing new.

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Cynical Quotations

Of what you see in books, believe 75%. Of newspapers, believe 25%. And of TV news, believe 10% – make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.

— Unknown

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Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone.

— Hodding Carter

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For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.

— Gloria Borger

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People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

— A. J. Liebling

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CNN is one of the participants in the war. I have a fantasy where Ted Turner is elected president but refuses because he doesn't want to give up power.

— Arthur C. Clarke

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Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

— Ben Hecht

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The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.

— David Brinkley

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May you have the good fortune to die on a slow news day.

— Guy Smith

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