(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. The doctrine, or belief, that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong.

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Cynical Quotations

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is merely twice as large as it needs to be.

— Unknown

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I find nothing more depressing than optimism.

— Paul Fussell

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The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.

— Havelock Ellis

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The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

— Oscar Wilde

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[Optimism] is held with greatest tenacity by those most accustomed to the mischance of falling into adversity, and is most acceptably expounded with the grin that apes a smile. Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible to the light of disproof – an intellectual disorder, yielding to no treatment but death. It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.

— Ambrose Bierce

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