(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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philosopher

Cynical Definitions

n. A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

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Cynical Quotations

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers.

— William James

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

— Socrates

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