(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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politics

Cynical Definitions

n. A systematic organization of hatreds.

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n. The gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

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n. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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n. The skilled use of blunt objects.

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n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.

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n. The process of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

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n. The art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.

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Cynical Quotations

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.

— Napoleon Bonaparte

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The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.

— Richard Buckminster Fuller

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Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

— George Burns

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Politics is my second favorite contact sport, right after sex. With either, I know I'm getting screwed.

— Guy Smith

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Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

— Ronald Reagan

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My concerns with churches meddling in political affairs have nothing to do with faith based morality rubbing off on politicians. The concern is that the Churches will find themselves adopting the relative morality associated with politics.

— Kenneth Corbin

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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man – if you want anything done, ask a woman.

— Margaret Thatcher

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We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

— Dennis Miller

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You know what's interesting about Washington? It's the kind of place where second-guessing has become second nature.

— George W. Bush

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Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.

— Mark B. Cohen

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Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

— Robert Louis Stevenson

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Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.

— Alfred E. Newman

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Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.

— Paul Valery

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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

— Ronald Reagan

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I have come to the conclusion that politics are too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

— Charles De Gaulle

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The etymology of the word "politics" is instructive. The prefix comes from the Greek "poly", meaning "many" and "tics" is from Latin for "blood sucking parasites". Thus, "many blood sucking parasites" as exemplified by congress.

— Unknown

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Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important.

— Eugene McCarthy

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Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.

— John Kenneth Galbraith

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