(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. In American politics, the Liar in Chief.

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Cynical Quotations

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached [two] and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

— P.J. O'Rourke

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When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.

— Clarence Darrow

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Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

— Douglas Adams

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Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.

— Gore Vidal

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Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'...they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git'....

— Alexi Sayle

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In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

— Adlai E. Stevenson Jr.

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As democracy is perfected, the [presidency] represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. [Ed. Some people believe this has already occurred]

— H.L. Mencken

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