(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. A writer who guesses at the truth and dispels the truth with a tempest of words.

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n. A scribe for newspapers and television who gathers facts before reporting his opinion.

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Cynical Quotations

The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.

— David Brinkley

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So talking about a liberal slant to [the media] is a little like talking to a fish about water. The fish says, "Water? What's water?" It's just what we swim in.

— John Stossel

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Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew's Passion on a ukulele.

— Bagdikian's Observation

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I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.

— Mahatma Gandhi

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