(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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sex

Cynical Definitions

n. Biological plumbing differentiating one gender from another, except in San Francisco where such differentiation is considered irrelevant, immoral, and unconstitutional.

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n. The natural, and occasionally unnatural, physical union of two or more plants or animals, for the purpose of procreation, sport, or obtaining a husband.

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n. The world's favorite participant sport.

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Cynical Quotations

Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it.

— Richard P. Feynman.

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The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody.

— Lori LaPerle

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Politics is my second favorite contact sport, right after sex. With either, I know I'm getting screwed.

— Guy Smith

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Alcohol – Helping ugly people have sex since 4,000 B.C.

— Bathroom Graffiti

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Sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome, and natural things that money can buy.

— Steve Martin

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Children are God's punishment for having sex. And Grandchildren are God's reward for putting up with them.

— Ronald Appel

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Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

— Billy Crystal

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An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

— Aldous Huxley

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Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.

— Jimmy Demaret

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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

— George Burns

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I know nothing about sex because I was always married.

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

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God invented sex and we give praise to him at every orgasm by shouting "Oh, my God".

— Guy Smith

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Some people purport that oysters are aphrodisiacs. Nonsense. This is a ruse by men to make certain sexual favors more palatable to women by the virtue of comparison.

— Guy Smith

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If sex is original sin, Murphyisms are original cynicism.

— Guy Smith

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How can sex be "original sin" when humans appeared to being doing little else for millions of years. Doesn't sound very original at all.

— Guy Smith

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Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.

— Unknown

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