(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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statistics

Cynical Definitions

n. The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

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Cynical Quotations

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

— Joseph Stalin

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Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

— Laurence J. Peter

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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

— Fletcher Knebel

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There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

— Benjamin Disraeli

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73.6% of statistics are made up on the spot!

— Unknown

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