(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. A way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.

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Cynical Quotations

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

— Terry Pratchett

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The marvels of modern technology include the development of a soda can which, when discarded, will last forever and a $7,000 car, which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.

— Paul Harwitz

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There are three paths to ruin – gambling, women and technology. Gambling is the quickest, women are the most enjoyable, but technology is the most reliable.

— Unknown

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For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.

— Alice Kahn

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