(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. Primary personality trait and implement for annoying others.

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n. Its own punishment.

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Cynical Quotations

The wages of sin is death, but so is the salary of virtue.

— Unknown

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No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.

— Bertrand Russell

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It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

— Abraham Lincoln

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The virtues we attribute to people at their best – loyalty and devotion, courage and gentleness, integrity and spirit – are found so rarely that we name schools for the men and women who display them. But you'd be hard pressed to find a dog who doesn't live them every day.

— Scott Raab

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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

— Elizabeth Taylor

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

— David Starr Jordan

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