(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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virtues

Cynical Definitions

n. Certain regrettable abstentions.

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Cynical Quotations

No one gossips about other people's secret virtues.

— Bertrand Russell

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It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

— Abraham Lincoln

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The virtues we attribute to people at their best – loyalty and devotion, courage and gentleness, integrity and spirit – are found so rarely that we name schools for the men and women who display them. But you'd be hard pressed to find a dog who doesn't live them every day.

— Scott Raab

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