(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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war

Cynical Definitions

n. A process by which it is legal to steal from someone else, and in doing so usually spending far more than the potential gain.

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n. A by-product of the arts of peace.

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n. Proof that violence does solve things.

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n. The mass reallocation of resources from one nation to another.

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Cynical Quotations

War is like love; it always finds a way.

— Unknown

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Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.

— Will Rogers

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The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

— Solomon Short

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How is it possible to have a civil war?

— Unknown

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War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.

— Georges Clemenceau

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It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it.

— Robert E. Lee

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Wars teach us not to love our enemies, but to hate our allies.

— W.L. George

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The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. The student of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly boast himself inaccessible to the light. "In time of peace prepare for war" has a deeper meaning than is commonly discerned; it means, not merely that all things earthly have an end – that change is the one immutable and eternal law – but that the soil of peace is thickly sown with the seeds of war and singularly suited to their germination and growth.

— Ambrose Bierce

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"What if we had a war and nobody came?" Then marketing did a lousy job of promoting the event.

— Unknown

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Democracy is... government by orgy, almost by orgasm. Its processes are most beautifully displayed at times when they stand most naked – for example, in war days.

— H.L. Mencken

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