(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

 
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wife

Cynical Definitions

n. Your bitter half.

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Cynical Quotations

One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

— Benjamin Franklin

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Man and wife make one fool.

— Ben Jonson

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

— Socrates

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One man's folly is another man's wife.

— Helen Rowland

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American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.

— W. Somerset Maugham

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

— Groucho Marx

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

— King David

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I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

— Sigmund Freud

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