(a.k.a The Devil's Dictionary, New Millennia Edition)

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Cynical Definitions

n. An author with lower literary expectations and higher gross income.

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Cynical Quotations

Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing.

— Meg Chittenden

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Writers are lunatics, except for the good writers, who are maniacs.

— William H. Macy

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About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

— Josh Billings

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Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs.

— Christopher Hampton

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The cure for writer's cramp is writer's block.

— Inigo DeLeon

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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

— T. S. Eliot

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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

— Solomon Short

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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. There's many a best-seller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

— Flannery O'Connor

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Most writers are drunkards and fools. Having lived foolishly for most of my life and having mastered the art of drunkardy, I concluded that I might as well write.

— Charles Gilbert

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First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity.

— Martin Myers

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